Lately I've been more emo than usual... and the fact that I am admitting this means I've probably been an emotional wreck for quite some time. At first I brushed it off, thinking I was having an off-day... but since this off-day has turned into weeks and now months, I am realising I should probably do something about it. It's always easier to find blame externally (which comes frighteningly natural to me), rather than looking at what's actually wrong with myself on the inside. Perhaps it's my thinking process, the way I perceive the world, or maybe I've got the foundation all wrong. I really don't have a definitive answer. Everything is just differential diagnosis... which doesn't make anything easier. I'm just going in circles now.

At any rate, upon self-reflection, I've deduced a flowchart that could explain one of many aetiological factors as to why I am the way I am:

Insecure => hypersensitive => extreme self-defense => unable to accept conflicting opinions => unadaptable => stubborn => perception as a narrow-minded bitch => ultimately misunderstood

Now, if I'm such an expert at unraveling my problems, why can't I solve my issues? Fuck, if only I had all the answers in the world...

On a different and unrelated note, I miss the piano. I don't miss performing on a fancy stage in a fancy dress. I miss playing with all the lights turned off, just looking out the window on a seemingly normal night to no audience. I miss listening to good artists... not the uber-known flying fingers, but the ones who can move me... the ones who can pierce the very center of my jaded heart and make me say "wow, that stings"