C'est la vie

I unintentionally and almost innately take everything personally. It works against me more than it works for me. I often don't understand sarcasm, especially when used in a serious manner, and I get attached to things too easily. Over the years, I've been caring for those who do not care about me, based on the past promises made by these people. It makes you question whether the friendship that you shared was a lie, or even if there was some element of truth, how can you change into an unrecognizable person altogether? It's so awkward to see someone that was once your best friend, and all you can both do is carry out a typical greeting conversation, as if you two don't know each other. That is such bullshit.

I really struggled with this concept because I felt like everyone was living their life, moving forward, while I was waiting in the same spot, hoping they come back and fill the void. After a while, I have accepted the fact that friends become strangers over time, and those who do, were never my true friends in the first place, even though, at the time, I believed otherwise. This is why I'm really reluctant on opening my heart with people. Perhaps I've been sharing myself with the wrong people and maybe I take this meaning of friendship way too seriously.

Half Full

I don't think I've ever been this happy in a really long time so I'm going to embrace it and soak it all up. At times, I feel it's inappropriate to express my happiness publicly because I know there are people that are going through hell (trust me, I've been there) and since I know what that feels like, I feel the need to keep my mouth shut (let's face it - when your world is crumbling, the last thing you need is a peppy person declaring how great their life is). But according to Newton, what goes up must come down so I know this feeling isn't going to last forever.

So let me unabashedly say, I am happy and I am blessed. God definitely has tested me throughout the years but ultimately, He has been faithful while I've been incredibly human. I know and realize I am not the "model citizen" for Christ - in fact, I'm at the other end of the spectrum. But God has mercy on me and His grace is enough. I'm thankful.

A New Beginning

I am back on this thing called a blog.

A month ago, I completely shut it down in an attempt to protect my privacy because I had a revelation that no one can be trusted and my own thoughts can be manipulated to work against me. My blog itself was an oxymoron - it was open to the public and I wrote some very colourful things but I never really advertised it to anyone. So, in a way, it was private to me. If I had given myself some time to think and digest things through, I probably wouldn't have made such a rash decision. But desperate times called for desperate measures. Now, all I have with me are fading memories.

Since I'm starting a new chapter in my life, I hope to use this as an outlet to free my mind in a positive manner (although not guaranteed). I want to document the upcoming 4 years of my life as a dental student and hopefully I can look back on this and smile.

:)