First love is like Romeo and Juliet - seems like the whole world is against you and your love together. At the time, it makes you want to rebel even more and fight for the love of your life... it makes you want to do irrational things, like give up your life, envision eternity with him, and live happily ever after. Of course, over time, unforeseen circumstances happen and coupled with logic, you both decide it's not meant to be, even though at the time, you couldn't even wrap your head around the idea of not being with him. Funny how time operates. Although our breakup put me into a comatose-esque depression, I'm now at a point where I can look back and smile at the good times we've shared. I'm not sure if I believe in "love" anymore. I was brought up to believe that "love" wasn't based on feelings alone - it's a lifelong commitment and respect for one another. But times have changed and I'm not sure if this concept still exists... but I guess you have to keep treading water if you want to stay afloat.

Blogging is such a dilemma. I don’t want to record anything stupid that will forever remain in the infinity space of the cyberworld, but at the same time, I want to record however the fuck I feel so that I can read back and see how far I’ve come. At any rate, it has only been 4 months since my last post but a lot of traumatizing events have occurred to have made me into the person I am right now. I’m not really sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. As always, I do what I do best and run away from the problem by brainwashing myself with selective memories. If I think too much or try to rationalise it, I end up digging my own grave since I still can’t separate emotions from logic. Perhaps I don’t need to learn to separate the aforementioned entities… maybe I just need a different outlook on life… I don’t know. Attempt at self-diagnosis.