D-Day in Two

I try to avoid blogging at night because most of my ramblings turn out to be melodramatic incoherencies but I just need to somehow organize my thoughts so that I can sleep better later on. I just want to fast-forward to Wednesday because I hate having gatherings for goodbyes, preparing for goodbyes and actually saying goodbyes. My eyes feel like glass as I must have cried out a fountain's worth of tears. I know I will be back eventually but the whole concept of "life moving on with or without me" hurts me the most; the worst thing is, there's nothing I can do about it. Even when I visit to see my friends, I can't expect everything and everyone to be the way that I left them. I suppose it's the fact that I'll never be able to have the kind of moment I'm having now that makes me cry.

I just want to thank everyone for being so good to me. I never thought it would be this hard to say goodbye. I've always dreamt of leaving this city, and I probably looked forward for this day to come as a kid, but now, I just feel so sad yet so loved. I wish I was better at expressing myself because I wish these people knew how grateful I am for them.

Closure

It sucks dating someone with an expiry date. I feel like in 2 weeks, I'm going to lose him for life. In a way, and realistically speaking, I will... yet, there seems to be this frail string of hopeful "what-ifs" that I can't let go of. I never thought I would love anyone this much. If you asked me 3 years ago, or even last year, I probably wouldn't describe my love for him the way I feel today. But I think that's what love is supposed to be - it's supposed to grow day by day, and today, I love him so much to a point where I feel like I could give up everything for him. Of course there are qualities that I wish he didn't possess but it must be love when I can just be with him and still feel like the happiest person on earth. Looking back, I wish I had treated him better. I was a terrible girlfriend - egotistical, selfish and stubborn. I always felt it would take a special kind of character to not only be in love with me, but to withstand and accept my traits. And in a matter of days, all of this will vanish, and our past will be mere memories. We've gone through a lot. I bet people will say "I saw it coming" when we say our goodbyes... but I don't care what you say. I don't even think he realizes how much I love him since I rarely express myself well enough. In the end, all I have with me are happy memories. I just... don't know how I can ever love someone like that again.