Current State of Being

Most people may think I'm having the time of my life here in Australia... and perhaps I should, I'm not sure. Sadly, my life currently revolves around 2 places: my room and school. I don't really have the time to enjoy or appreciate things around me because well, for one, what is the point of living in a beautiful country when you don't have your family and friends to enjoy it with? And two, school and subsequent stress do not allow for such freedom. I really miss home. And at the same time, I shouldn't be like this because in a way, this a chance of a life time; not everyone gets to pack up, leave everything behind them and move to a new country to start a new chapter. I don't know. I feel like I'm on Survivor - I'm on a deserted island and I can't even leave or I have to win a challenge to be awarded a phone call from a family member (aka. talk on the phone for 3 hours then wait a whole month until the new plan comes). I have a hard time relating to people here - they're just so different from me and not having someone to connect with makes me really lonely. Maybe it's because I've gotten used to always having someone by me at all times- my ex. I don't know. I would really love to meet someone who will accept and like me for me, without any extra agenda. I really miss having that someone. It's been 4 months and I don't know how I am supposed to last.

This too shall pass

It is unbelievable how human I am... not that I've ever doubted that, but it's kind of sad to be so sure about it. I look forward to tomorrow hoping I will miraculously become this new person I've dreamt of yesterday, however there is something wrong if I am thinking the same thoughts night after night. I guess life is all about taking baby steps in order to avoid taking leaps, which is often followed by backward steps that take you further behind than what you've started with.

Let's remember this moment and start tomorrow as what I am, only with more self control.